I've been feeling dull as a coat hanger pretty as a picture of a patient on a fresh iv
Giddy as a gangbanger with a set of sutres where his magic johnson used to be

Yes, I'll tell you just the thing you need to be the next big thing
Let's start in with a test of your intelligence and zest for recovering
Up and down and roundabout and out the back and keep your mouth shut
Tight the lights are staying out
But no sweat I've got aim like a mack truck

Guess how many fingers,
Ok guess how many more I can fit there
Guess right get the toaster
But you know miss guessing gets you nowhere

I've been baking cakes for the enemy
I've been dying to find out the hard way
I've been taking friends to the alleyway
Two down now but who's counting anyway?

Yes, I'll tell you everything you'll need to bring on our little surgery
Something you can bite on and your right hand on the gun marked "emergency"
Put away that hanger honey
You have many other options
How about a nine-month long vacation and a two-foot coffin

I've been getting up close and intimate
Some close calls but I'm getting into it
In some states they say you can burn for it
But I'll burn that bridge when I get to it

It's not a bad thing
To get proffesional
It's got a nice ring
Mandy goes to med school

Yes, I'll tell you everything you need to get to fix that thing
Take two parts water one part gin
And add a dash of nitroglycerin
Kiss your woes goodbye
Say hi to blisters on the backsides of your thyroid
Cysts annihilated with one twist of my trick scissors

I've been taking tips from the government
No trick mirrors in my establishment
Fifty bucks a month ought to cover it
I've been getting real good at hiding it

Yes, I am the next best thing to falling off a third floor balcony
All my work is guaranteed to last the length of your recovery
Ever since my confidence was boosted by these blank prescriptions
Business has been booming and I seem to have made lots of nice friends

I've been baking cakes for the enemy..

He is a nice man
He's got the newest tools
He's got steady hands
And he goes to med school...